Sisterhood Stories – Clarity

I’ve been watching a lot of workshops and tutorials lately.  Inspiring ones, I must add.  They left me with an urge to create and in a way I’d never done before.  I often find myself too comfortable in my work, my images come to me easily, like a second nature.  And as much as I love my work, I want more.  I do have a problem though, a big one.  The more I try to challenge myself, the more confused I get.  It’s a bit difficult to explain, but I feel like I can’t really get a grip of who I really am and what I really want.  I’m lost.   And I’m not sure I like that feeling.  Actually, I hate it.  

It’s not about the way I live my life and the choices I made.  Those I’m rock solid on.  It’s the creative part of me, the way I express myself, how I want to do it, what I want to show.  That’s where I’m lost.  In a wide open sea, still, quiet.  It just doesn’t come to me.  I’m wandering in thick fog, trying to catch a glimpse of light.

You see, I think of artists that inspire me.  When I look at them, at their art, when I listen to them, I feel like they’re whole.  Everything about them is in harmony, they’re an incarnation of their creative minds.  Even in the way they dress.  I still can’t tell to this day, what my clothing style really is, what I really like, what is “me”.  I choose what I think I am, but is it really who I am?  I feel like it isn’t.  You see how confused I am now?  Down to the color of my next sweater!  Some people have such a clear sense of who they are, and when you meet someone like this you instantly feel it.  I mostly feel like something’s out of tune, something stops the flow, and I want to break the dam.

I’m not in a creative slump, I have tons of concepts and ideas in mind, all the time.  It’s about how I want to bring them out and how they represent who I am.  I love my work, I always did.  I still look at my images and they bring me the exact sense of peace I wanted from the beginning.  But I want more, and I do feel I’m more complex than that.  I just don’t know how to bring it to the light.  I want clarity.  How does one find clarity?  I’d be a happy gal if I knew!

In order to go further in my creative work I took some steps.  I enrolled in classes, one is a videography class with Xanthe Berkeley, the other’s a creative writing class from open edu.  I want to do both these courses for personal reasons, not business reasons.  I don’t want to gain more fans or get more sales from them, I do it for me.  Will it help me find clarity, I doubt it.  Clarity will have to come from within, and I don’t have a clue how and when it will strike.  I might need years of psychoanalysis sessions, lol

I know my personal choices and creative spirit are related, and in the end, when I do find the light, my daily life will only benefit from it. In the meantime I will have to put up with never being totally satisfied with my work.  It’s a long process but I’m moving forward.  Fog will lift with time.

This post is part of a blog circle, please visit Audrey’s blog and make your way around the circle xox

 

6 Comments on Sisterhood Stories – Clarity

  1. Jill Moore
    October 16, 2013 at 2:04 pm (6 years ago)

    I love your blogs Isabelle, they are so insightful. Many photographers with your level of success and quality of work would be happy to rest on their laurels. It is a sign of a true artist that you want to keep learning and changing and developing. I think it is the curse of a creative spirit never to be satisfied with what you have done. As for clarity, I dont even feel like a proper grown up yet, I imagine that one day I will wake up and know just who I am and what I want…….one day!

    Reply
    • Isabelle Lafrance
      October 16, 2013 at 3:37 pm (6 years ago)

      Yes, I think it’s a curse! I love how our posts are somewhat similar this week xox

      Reply
  2. Laura Evans
    October 16, 2013 at 4:03 pm (6 years ago)

    so so beautiful … love hearing about your inspiration, challenging yourself & the rest. I feel this so much myself & have to force myself outside the box (i have a landscape workshop tomorrow). Excited to see where this journey takes you. xx

    Reply
  3. Kay Maguire
    October 16, 2013 at 7:10 pm (6 years ago)

    I think when you are very creative, your mind runs riot and its hard to focus because you want to do so much and you are inspired by so many things. I always want to learn and have found photography as great outlet for that but there is so much to do and I feel some people settle into a style very quickly whereas others, like myself are still developing that style over time. This year is the first where I do feel I am getting happier with my style but still am inspired by new ideas and where that could take me. I think the fact that you are doing this for you, is a really good sign that the fog will lift soon xx

    Reply
  4. Amarie
    October 17, 2013 at 10:07 pm (6 years ago)

    I go through those changes all the time. I guess it’s my way of trying to define myself, artistically. But when I remind myself that I’m not an artist by trade, and that this is something I do for pure pleasure – be it photography, coding, or even graphic design – then I feel less pressure to try to analyze it so much. And it frees me up to change my mind over and over again. But I understand your point 100%, and think it’s awesome that you’re being proactive in the nurturing of your creative spirit. 🙂

    Reply
  5. Claudia Willison
    October 21, 2013 at 2:03 pm (6 years ago)

    Wow – you sound – almost – like me, Isabelle. I am also still searching, but don’t quite know what it is. I would love to have a direction with my art, but I just seem to be all over the place. But then there are times when I don’t mind that at all. I love that you are taking up classes, they actually are an inspiration. I took a few at the beginning of the year and was bursting with ideas afterwards. Have fun!

    Reply

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